eBabies

There has recently been a rash of “online baby sellers” that is sweeping The Information Highway. I have a big problem with this.

It really steams me that people are using a place where information travels at great speeds in order to peddle their offspring . Do they really think that their newborns will travel as fast as the information? Hardly. The only living mammals that should be sold over the World Wide Web are alpacas and mail-order brides .

The other thing that gets me is that these people spit in the face of all the Effing The Dog methodology stnds for. I mean, eBay auctions last 10 days, tops! We all know the legitimate adoption process is a long and plodding process. Eventually, the child is adopted. That’s exactly the principles on which Effing The Dog bases itself on. Except for the baby part.

I have a daughter of my own and she is not for sale – never has been and never will be. I will give her away to the appropriate partner when I am asked to on her wedding day, and no sooner. If cash exchanges hands then, I’m fine with that. But this online child-peddling has crossed a line in the sandbox, and it’s not a line made by the urine of a somewhat potty-trained toddler, either.

These baby-pushers are saying that they were joking (actually, they said “kidding” which was a really bad choice of pun on their parts), which is ridiculous. Everyone knows that putting your Seller Rating at risk with such a tactic is cause for suspension of your account. The result would mean no selling or buying on eBay for an indeterminate amount of time. And don’t even get me started about your PayPal account.

The worst part is that these people procreated in the first place. Thsi is your baby, people – you don’t give birth to jokes. Giving birth to jokes is a comedian’s job – and thoe jokes can be sold to the highest bidder without any repercussions other than perhaps having your prized “don’t you hate it when…” bit told by Orny Adams . Ugh.

Overall this whole situation can be summed up as follows: