Back before I was born, there was a television series that didn’t do so well. I’m not entirely sure why, but rumour has it that every odd episode sucked. This show was named Star Trek
Eventually, after the TV series was canceled, they made a movie based on it. Kind of. I tried to watch it once, but every time I saw the priest from 7th Heaven on it, I thought it was some form of really long mass. That being said, I almost named my daughter Vyger – until my wife reminded me that she was our daughter. As a result of our disagreement on that issue, we did not give her a name. Marlo Thomas would be proud.
Despite the mind-numbing success of the first film, some guys made more of them (including the captain and assistant captain of the Enterprise). One had whales, none of whom were named Willy. Another had the guy from Fantasy Island – sorry, the taller one from Fantasy Island. Others had Kirstie Alley and Kim Cattrall; both played Vulcans and both were still on my “list.” (Note: This list, being eventual in nature, only has merit when dealing with Eventualism and has no bearing elsewhere. Any thoughts outside of that realm are, well, shameful.)
I could go on, so I will. Here’s the basic synopsis on all things Star Trek, making it the most eventual sci-fi franchise in recorded history. It’s probably not in order, but that’s fine with me – so it’s fine with you.
Star Trek – Original Series
Launched the comedic career of William Shatner and starred Leonard Cohen as Mr. Spock. Initially, Spock was to sing most of his lines but that idea was scrapped when they cast Cohen, who couldn’t sing. Dr. McCoy was based on Archie Bunker, and vice versa. Incidentally, some guy who played Jesus once was in the pilot, but he paused during his dialogue in a less frequent manner than desired by the producers, and Shatner got the part. To be jilted like that going forward would be dubbed “being given the Roddenberry.”
Star Trek – Animated Series
Was very much like the Jackson 5 cartoon, but set in space and with only one black person. It is interesting to note that Tito Jackson would be known hereafter as “Red Shirt Jackson” since his career died first.
Star Trek – The Movie
I’m still fond of the name Vyger.
Star Trek II – The Wrath of Khan
Arguably, the best of the films. But I’m not about to start arguing, so we’ll move on.
Star Trek III – The Search for Spock
This search proved to be tough as Cohen had long deserted the part he was born to play. They cast Leonard Nimoy to replace him, mainly since the chairs and trailer were already emblazoned with the name “Leonard.” The search for Nimoy proved to be the backdrop for the movie, where all those involved were to stay in character throughout to “keep things real.”
Star Trek IV – The Voyage Home
A departure from the other films, this followed Cohen’s journey back to Canada. Still ranks as the highest-grossing film about Canada ever, barely beating out The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (where the name was changed to protect those involved).
Star Trek V – Final Frontier
It was titled as such to indicate that they were wanting to finally end things, and only a title could make it so. Not so much.
Star Trek VI – The Undiscovered Country
This movie had Christopher Plummer playing a Klingon. Biggest letdown was having him not sing “Edelweiss”
Star Trek – The Next Generation
I started to pay more attention to Star Trek when this series arrived on television. I still have no idea what it was about. I know I follow two of the guys who were in it, but only by accident. I had originally discovered them on Reading Rainbow (where I learned to read the spectrum) and Night Court (where I learned that prosecutors get a ton of girls). Loved Wesley, though…still do. He eventually got Ashley Judd. Nice.
Star Trek – Deep Space Nine
I watched Spaced nine times instead. Deep.
Star Trek – Generations
I swear I thought Shatner was dead before this after TJ Hooker. Then I realized it was actually Adrian Zmed’s career that died. After watching this film, I thought Shatner was dead again. Then came Boston Legal, where I learned that prosecutors didn’t get a ton of girls.
Star Trek – First Contact
Professor X was in this one.
Star Trek – Insurrection
Professor X was in this one, too!
Star Trek – Nemesis
From my viewpoint, a paradox of a movie, since Star Trek had become my nemesis.
Star Trek – Voyager
When was this on?
Star Trek – Enterprise
For a while I thought this was just the most eventual Quantum Leap episode ever. Then I realized it probably was.
Star Trek (XI)
All I know about this one is that Sulu didn’t bring along Kumar. I plan to know more once I check it out this weekend.
Great. Now I’m hungry. Off to White Castle! That should get me fed…eventually.
Now to find NPH
