To celebrate my 35th birthday (which is today – one of the only thing I celebrate “day of” due to impending gifts and drinkage – Christmas and Happy Hours are the others) I will impart upon you the 35 things that make Eventualism eventu-awesome.*

*Feel free to read this later – eventually even – so that you can send tidings my way.

1. Eventualism gives you the instant cred required to buy or rent-to-own a La-Z-Boy.
2. The best Transformers either take forever to transform in their toy version  (i.e. Omega Supreme, the merging any team of Autobots or Decepticons) or take forever to make out in their movie version.
3. Gives you license to surf for Megan Fox pictures ad infinitum.
4. Allows you to appreciate the opening at at any concert.
5. Requires the patience to watch television shows until you finally “get it” (i.e. Twin Peaks, Lost, Golden Girls).
6. Eventualists will stay with “How I Met Your Mother” until the mother is met.
7. Understands fame for what it is. Fleeting and forever.
8. Tirelessly tries to champion both 8 Days A Week and The 4 Hour Work Week, all for different and increasingly confusing reasons.
9. David Allen seems to like it.
10. Allows me to write whenever I feel like it.
11. Allows me to think I can pay bills whenever I feel like it.
12. Insists you have a Heine-keg in your fridge at all times.  With a backup.
13. Eventualists “get” that a sideway “8” may mean infinity, but a sideways “3” means either boobs or bum – and you must eventually choose one or the other depending on circumstance.
14. It doesn’t judge. It pontificates.
15. Reduces swearing to what it really is: a power grab. Prefers toned-down curses like “dang” and “frick.”
16. Realizes that man is a dog’s best friend.
17. Knew that Twitter would make it one day. Knew that Pownce wouldn’t…until it’s relaunch as a dating site for divorceés in search of college guys.
18. Ensures you keep your high school yearbook to eventually show off or burn.
19. Ensures you keep your Facebook page to eventually show off or burn.
20. Will concede a bit of latitude when it comes to computers.  Sorry, Microsoft…even Eventualism has its limits.
21. Agrees that while sow and steady wins the race, races suck and should be avoided unless they are really long and don’t involve Kenyans.
22. Understands that #followfriday will often fall on a Saturday.
23. It transcends Gradualism, hands-down.
24. It is concerned about the well-being of others, but only after they have waited long enough for care that the word “eventually” is used to describe the wait.
25. Knows that this number is a long time to be married – and now you are eventually never going to divorce. Unless you’re my parents, which you’re not.
26. It is the line of thinking your parents have/had when you ask for the car for the first and every time.
27. This is how long my folks were married for, I think.  I was pretty young when they broke up. Seems like only 15 years ago.
28. Sorry about that last one, folks. And this one explaining my last one and apologizing for it. I’ll be okay.  Eventually.  (Hey…)
29. Allows you to take an incredibly long time to get over your parents divorce. (Nice.)
30. It is the patron ideology of crop farmers, like those guys who grow corn and coffee.
31. It is the patron ideology of “crap” farmers, like those guys who grow corn and pundits.
32. It guides the Cincinnati Bengals through bad times and bad.
33. Understands the meaning of the word “maybe.” (It’s like “perhaps”, right?)
34. Appreciates the mediocrity of a job half-assed.
35. It concedes that if your pen runs out of ink, you were never meant to write it down.

(Admittedly, #35 happened to me shortly after starting this entry, but #34 allowed me to post this regardless.)